I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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