ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
