out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
