So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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