You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
