You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
