I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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