i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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