Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
