He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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