The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
