The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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