Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
