Swine flu is the new snow day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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