Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
