I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
