I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
