Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
