Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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