Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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