I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
