the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
