U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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