tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
