i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
