the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
