So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
