Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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