i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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