I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
