K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
