I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
