Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize