This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
