Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I look better un-naked...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
