Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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