he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
