for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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