hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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