i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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