Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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