I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
