I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
