Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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