Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
