You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
