my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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