how can u be prego again
she was so not down for the gang bang
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
