One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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