My first STD was from a foam party
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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