1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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