my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
