you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
