yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize