I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
