He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
