my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
