I'm eating all of the evidence.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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