I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
