areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
