The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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