No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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