Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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