do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
