Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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