A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
