I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Two words: blizzard sex
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
