There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
