I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
