he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
