everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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