She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
