i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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