i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
