My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
