Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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