i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
