I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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