His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
