Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
