I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I love having hate sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
