she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
