There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
