We got so high we made milksteak
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
